It starts when we're young. You see something interesting. It looks "pretty." You want to touch it. Mom says, "Don't touch it, honey, you'll burn yourself!" And you don't understand how bright colors that dance could be do deadly. I mean, Christ, it's all over your birthday cake. Mom says, "Blow out the candles." But no, your chubby little 1-year-old hands wanna play with fire instead. From day one, we're drawn to pain, whether we like it or not.
There's different types of pain. Physical, mental, emotional... pain that eats away at your soul. Pain so severe that you only let very few people see it and when they do, you try your damn hardest not to cry or show vulnerability because it's too much for you to handle. You always want to be strong. You always want to be in control.
Then there's what I like to call "drama pain."
Do you ever find yourself overanalyzing something, overthinking something, or overdramatizing something? And then when you go to share it with your friends, you make it sound ten times more dramatic than it actually is...and then your friends overdramatize it even more and then you're left feeling overwhelmed, confused, and downright hurt by what really was not that big of a deal to begin with. Why do we put ourselves through that stress?
Are we trying to cover up what's really bothering us? YES. Of course we are. We don't want people to know what's really eating at our souls, so we overdramatize mediocre crap instead. We're cheating ourselves short. We're letting mediocre crap dictate our lives.
Now how the hell does this relate to CrossFit? Do we overdramatize mediocre crap when we CrossFit? Yes, we do. Here's a prime example of what I did once upon a time...
Coach #1: If you want handstand pushups, you should get into a handstand. A real one.
Me: I don't know if my shoulder is ready for that.
Coach #1: Try.
(Five seconds later, I attempt a handstand)
Me: Uh, it hurts so bad!!!
Coach #1: Oh, I guess you're not ready then.
In actuality, my shoulder did hurt, but was it so bad that I couldn't have tried the handstand again? Hell no. I overdramatized it. I made it worse than it was to cover up the real issue. And the real issue was the fact that I am (or rather I WAS) terrified to be upside down.
Here's the conversation that eventually unfolded with Coach #2:
Coach #2: If you want handstand pushups, you should get into a handstand. A real one.
Me: I'm scared to be upside down.
Coach #2: You? Scared? You're the deadlift queen, now get the fuck upside down this minute.
Am I saying you should unleash to world all your fears, doubts, and confusions? No. You don't have to let the world know you're afraid of heights or afraid of pink cars or afraid of sheep. But you should trust your friends and certainly your coaches (but not Coach #1 - he sucked!). They're not out to make fun of you for being afraid, but rather they're there to help you beat your fears. They may yell at you, but they won't give up on you.
It's late and I've been rambling for awhile...but bottom line is you can be better athlete by being honest with yourself. And stop giving attention to the "drama pain" and work on fixing the real pain. I know where my pain is. It's not in my shoulder. It's not in my wrist. It's in my head. And it's the hardest kind to get rid of. So don't act like you don't got none. We all do.
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