Pain...hurt...pain...shut up

It starts when we're young. You see something interesting. It looks "pretty." You want to touch it. Mom says, "Don't touch it, honey, you'll burn yourself!" And you don't understand how bright colors that dance could be do deadly. I mean, Christ, it's all over your birthday cake. Mom says, "Blow out the candles." But no, your chubby little 1-year-old hands wanna play with fire instead. From day one, we're drawn to pain, whether we like it or not.

There's different types of pain. Physical, mental, emotional... pain that eats away at your soul. Pain so severe that you only let very few people see it and when they do, you try your damn hardest not to cry or show vulnerability because it's too much for you to handle. You always want to be strong. You always want to be in control.

Then there's what I like to call "drama pain."

Do you ever find yourself overanalyzing something, overthinking something, or overdramatizing something? And then when you go to share it with your friends, you make it sound ten times more dramatic than it actually is...and then your friends overdramatize it even more and then you're left feeling overwhelmed, confused, and downright hurt by what really was not that big of a deal to begin with. Why do we put ourselves through that stress?

Are we trying to cover up what's really bothering us? YES. Of course we are. We don't want people to know what's really eating at our souls, so we overdramatize mediocre crap instead. We're cheating ourselves short. We're letting mediocre crap dictate our lives.

Now how the hell does this relate to CrossFit? Do we overdramatize mediocre crap when we CrossFit? Yes, we do. Here's a prime example of what I did once upon a time...

Coach #1: If you want handstand pushups, you should get into a handstand. A real one.
Me: I don't know if my shoulder is ready for that.
Coach #1: Try.
(Five seconds later, I attempt a handstand)
Me: Uh, it hurts so bad!!!
Coach #1: Oh, I guess you're not ready then.

In actuality, my shoulder did hurt, but was it so bad that I couldn't have tried the handstand again? Hell no. I overdramatized it. I made it worse than it was to cover up the real issue. And the real issue was the fact that I am (or rather I WAS) terrified to be upside down.

Here's the conversation that eventually unfolded with Coach #2:

Coach #2: If you want handstand pushups, you should get into a handstand. A real one.
Me: I'm scared to be upside down.
Coach #2: You? Scared? You're the deadlift queen, now get the fuck upside down this minute.

Am I saying you should unleash to world all your fears, doubts, and confusions? No. You don't have to let the world know you're afraid of heights or afraid of pink cars or afraid of sheep. But you should trust your friends and certainly your coaches (but not Coach #1 - he sucked!). They're not out to make fun of you for being afraid, but rather they're there to help you beat your fears. They may yell at you, but they won't give up on you.

It's late and I've been rambling for awhile...but bottom line is you can be better athlete by being honest with yourself. And stop giving attention to the "drama pain" and work on fixing the real pain. I know where my pain is. It's not in my shoulder. It's not in my wrist. It's in my head. And it's the hardest kind to get rid of. So don't act like you don't got none. We all do.

War

It's been roughly a month since my life completely changed. At first it was tough, adjusting to the new schedule and the challenge of keeping up my training. I won't go into details about how my former box was stolen by a bunch of sheep, but despite everything that happened, I knew my goals would not change. I would continue to train and I would compete and I would one day make it to the games.

Right now, I know all those dreams are destined to come true. I'm signed up for my first competition in August, and I have plans to work my weaknesses until that day and after that day. By working out on my own, I have been programming my weaknesses into the majority of my workouts. I started with the burpee challenge. As a "big" girl, burpees have always been a bitch, but now I do at least 100 a day with ease. I also make sure that at least 2 workouts a week have a good volume of pull-ups in them. I also do pullups as part of my warm-up. I'm kipping again and able to string 3-4. This is a huge stepping stone for me. I feel like soon enough I'll be able to string 10+ and then I'll start working on the muscle up. Double unders are still a challenge for me, but the more I do them, the more I hear a rhythm that I need to force myself to stay on, and zen out to. I notice a rhythm with most movements. I guess that comes from being a dancer...but I notice it a lot on the clean & jerk. 95lbs feels light because I treat the movement like a dance, meaning I don't think about it. I just let my body do what it needs to do.

Handstand pushups...probably my biggest weakness. For the rest of this month I'm determined to get upside down every other day and keep getting my head lower and lower until I get an RX pushup. The month of June I will be doing HSPUs until I can go unbroken with them. I will start programming them into my WODs more. I will conquer them.

It seems like I'm going to war with my weaknesses. That's okay. Because weakness lies within all of us. It's okay to fight yourself. It's okay to want to be better. But on the way, give yourself praise when you deserve it. So today, I say to myself, "GOOD JOB, NATALIE MARIE BLANK. YOU ARE ONE BAD ASS RX-ING MACHINE."

Did I mention I'm starting to go Rx-plus on a lot of WODs? ;)

Challenge time

A new challenge!

To be in CFMC's advanced class I must be able to achieve 7 out of 10 of the following.

1. Snatch: Men – 165, Women – 93
2. Clean & Jerk: Men – 205, Women – 113
3. Squat: Men – 295, Women – 183
4. 30 Muscle-ups time: Men/Women: Rx
5. 2 min Max Effort Toes to Bar: Men/Women: 30
6. Max Effort unbroken pullups: Men – 35, Women – 20
7. 45 HSPU for time: Men/Women: 6:00
8. 100 Burpees: Men – 7:00, Women – 8:00
9. “Helen” time: Men – 10:00, Women – 12:00
10. “Jerry” time: Men – 25:00, Women, 26:00

Snatch - Yes I can snatch 93lbs. I've never tried but I know I can.
Clean & Jerk - Yes I can clean & jerk 113lbs.
Squat - YES. My max squat is 248 lbs and that was back in early February.
30 Muscle Ups- NO.
T2B - I'd have to work my ass off to get this done, but it is possible.
Pullups - No way in hell can I do 20 unbroken.
HSPU- NO.
100 Burpees- Again, I'd have to work my ass off but I know I can do it.
"Helen" - Work your ass off. The pullups will be the hardest part.
"Jerry" - This is so possible. My fastest mile run time is 7:07 and that was back in early December.

So 4 Yes I can. 3 No I can't. And 3 Maybes.
I can do this.

3 2 1 Go.

End of February

Tomorrow is the last day of February. I only achieved 1 / 6 goals. I sprained my wrist about 2 and half weeks ago and I'm only now starting to have a fully operational wrist.

323 lbs Deadlift
243 lbs Back Squat - Maxed out at 248lbs!
7 Unbroken Pullups
20 Unbroken Double Unders - got to 16
1 Handstand Pushup
1 Rope Climb

I might try for a 323 Deadlift tomorrow.

Goals for March:

333 lbs Deadlift
253 lbs Back Squat
10 Unbroken Pullups
25 Unbroken Double Unders
1 Handstand Pushup
1 Rope Climb
10 Unbroken Pistols
No more injuries!

February Goals

323 lbs Deadlift         
243 lbs Back Squat   
7 Unbroken Pullups  
20 Unbroken Double Unders  
1 Handstand Pushup
1 Rope Climb

I got a lot to work on and I'm ready for it :)

Strengths & Weaknesses

Strengths:
Deadlifts        
Squats
Pistols
Box Jumps
Wall Balls
Sit-ups
Lunges
Running
KB swings

Could be better:
Cleans
Snatches
Presses
Bench press
Thrusters
Pullups
Rowing
Push-ups

Weaknesses:
Kipping
Handstand Push-ups
Double Unders
Dips

Can't even do one:
Muscle-up
Rope climb

All my "strengths" are strengths because of my legs. They're strong. And I'm flexible. Thank you to 20+ years of dance training. I feel confident in these movements. I would deadlift everyday if I could...but I don't want my legs to grow any bigger.

My "could be better" list will eventually become strengths when I execute proper form consistently. For example, I can do amazing pushups. But when I get tired, my core goes weak and they start looking floppy.

My "weaknesses" are big problems for me. And all are going to require lots of extra practice. So when I go in to do a workout, part of my warmup is to practice handstands, just holding 1 a day for as long as I can. I also try for 10-15 double unders, just to remind myself to jump up high and stay in place. During workouts, I jump all over the place. Kipping I practice after I practice my strict pullups. Dips...well dips I've just been avoiding.

My "can't even do one" list...I'll get to thinking about in spring.

Positive changes

This week was my most successful CrossFit week to date. After a 3 day rest I came in on a Sunday to practice all the things I suck at and boom! I'm doing unbroken pullups! I'm doing unbroken double unders! Omg! How is this possible?

One of my CrossFit goals is to value rest days. And this week I really learned to value them because they made me do amazing things.

Sunday - 25 total pullups - 2 sets of 3 unbroken! 12 unbroken double unders!

Monday - 183lb front squat 3 rep max PR

Tuesday - did "Elizabeth" with prescribed weight and was able to finally do dips without shoulder pain

Wednesday- REST DAY! 3 days on, 1 day off really works

Thursday- bam 4 pullups unbroken!

Friday- got through the toes to bars somehow haha

Saturday- tried overhead squats and snatchs - shoulder stayed strong AND did 27 pullups in the workout without a band!!!

So tomorrow I'll rest and Monday I can't wait to see what I do next!