Pain

Pain sucks. For me, pain really sucks when it affects my performance or in today's case, keep me from doing the workout. I felt defeated today. I felt like I'd given up. But it's not like I had much of a choice. It was either do the workout with a throbbing shoulder and risk further throbbing OR sit down and stretch. I chose to sit down and stretch. Very rarely will I make that choice. And when I do make that choice, I hate it. Oh how I go from happy smiley Natty to pissed off Natalie-wanna-break-a-lamp.

And so I grumble grumble grumble...put on the ice pack...tell myself it'll get better and I'll get better and everyone has a bad day at Crossfit and today was my bad day...I'm human. I have weaknesses...chin up, girl. Chin up.

When I'm weak, I think about when I'm strong. Like when I powerlift. Now there's a place I always feel comfortable, always feel powerful, always do what I gotta do. Deadlifts and squats are my haven. I thank 20+ years of dancing for all the leg strength. If CrossFit were simply powerlifting, I'd be on top always. But that's the beauty of CrossFit, it's not just powerlifting. It doesn't want you to only do what you're good at. It wants you to do what you're not good at. It challenges you. It makes you wanna work harder.

I love my legs and alot of other people do too (hehe smiley wink wink) but dancing has given me an upper body while strong, inefficient in certain movements. A graceful, lead with the fingers, "I'm a freaking butterfly" way of moving. If I'm ever going to be able to press/jerk a heavy load without continually hurting myself I have to rid myself of that movement pattern. I have to be aggresive. I have to engage muscles I normally would keep very relaxed in a ballet class. I have to train hard.

But most of all, I have to be PATIENT with myself. My 300+ deadlift didn't come over night. It took months and months. My first real pull-up took over a year. My first muscle up will probably take...well let's not think too far ahead...2045 is like awhile away.

Bottom line, I'm not going to get good at the things I'm not good at by feeling bad about it. I'm going to get good at them by being patient, by listening to my coaches, by taking an extra rest day if needed, by stepping back and sitting down and skipping the workout if I'm in pain, and by being honest with myself. I know who I am. I know I'm strong. I know I have the dedication. Now, it's just a matter of time.

In other news, I'm on day 11 of paleo and already a student has asked me if I've lost weight. So that's something good I can be proud of. I'm not sure how I feel mentally about Paleo. Physically, I feel great, but I'm feeling like I'm missing out on something. No alcohol. Hmm, maybe that's it. Does paleo rum exist?