Rant

I have a shoulder injury. I admit it. I'm injured. It sucks. And I'm truly frustrated by it. I made an appointment to get it check out - Wednesday morning. In the meantime I'm in pain, I'm grumpy, and I'm tired of guys picking on me because of my injury. I wish somebody could show me a little sensitivity - but no "Natty's a beast" and beasts don't have feelings apparently. WTF. Didn't anyone ever watch "Beauty and the Beast" as a kid? The beast is so sensitive!

Every morning I have to remind myself that I'm on my own. I take care of myself. And at the end of the day, I'm on my own, taking care of myself. And that is my inner strength. Being able to stand up on my own.

Today I had to do snatches with a 15lb training bar. I wanted so badly to use the regular bar, to put some weights on, to be like everybody else. I felt out of place, weak, and just plain miserable today at CrossFit. I always smile at CrossFit. Not today. I just did not want to be there. I only want to be there when I can give it 100% and today I just physically could not. Which in turn, destroyed me mentally. Then I went home and had another paleo meal...God, I'm hating paleo right now.

So what do I do? Pray that tomorrow's workout is all legs? Drug myself with Ibuprofen? Grumble to the wall?

CrossFit is not who I am, but rather what I love to do. If CrossFit were suddenly snatched from my life, what would I have left? I'd have my friends, my family, my writing, my dancing, my scrapbooking...there's a lot I love to do. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have all these wonderful interests and talents. I'm still able to dance. I'm still able to sing and play guitar. And I'll always be able to make a rocking plate of cookies. Think positive, kiddo.

So Wednesday morning, worse case scenario is I can't use my right shoulder for a few weeks until it heals completely. That's what I've been trying to do the last few days...but I'm still having pain. I'm aching for a massage. I feel like I have a giant knot wedged in my shoulder that needs to be released. I know there's nothing majorly wrong with it -- I wouldn't be able to still move it otherwise.

My knee also hurts, probably from landing like a ballerina during my snatches. Thank God it was only 15lbs. IcyHot and Ibuprofen are gonna get me to sleep tonight.

I hope I heal soon. I hope. I hope. I hope.